honey bunches of taint.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
