I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
