Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
