the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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