# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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