people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
