Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
