I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
