worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
