Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
