oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
