I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
