the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
