Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
