So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
