Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
