just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
