I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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