Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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