I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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