I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
