Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
