Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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