Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
