i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
