i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
