She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
