Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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