Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
