Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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