I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
