You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
