I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
