WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
