This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
