My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
