maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
