I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
