Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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