Umm I'm too high to move.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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