I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
