then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
