we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I deserve this hangover.
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