Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry brettonflower hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(718): View more from New York

There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...

Fav 12 1606 877
share tweet
(585): View more from New York

Why was I handcuffed to the roof?

(518): View more from New York

It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly

Fav 27 9876 1672
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(904): View more from Florida

I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.

Fav 16 3494 1768
share tweet
(347): View more from New York

Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"

Fav 5 3435 1108
share tweet
(416): View more from Toronto

Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?

Fav 6 4076 1439
share tweet
(519): View more from Ontario

If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes

Fav 29 4457 1605
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair

Fav 3 1087 1580
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(231): View more from Michigan

Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower

Fav 0 29 8
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(682): View more from Texas

His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?

(936): View more from Texas

Nope

Fav 0 72 23
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT