Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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