There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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