we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
