Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
