; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
