WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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